Recently I explained to a colleague just how the Irish are planning world domination. It’s not about rallies on the street, or stealthy assassinations of world leaders, coups or invasions.
It’s about pants.
Really and truly.
The Irish are not really concerned about who is sitting on the throne or seat of power, because the seat of their pants already probably belongs to Ireland, or the Irish, or at least the underwear was bought in a shop with Irish roots. And if the world is wearing your underpants you’re halfway to global dominations.
OK, maybe not. But if the people behind the opening of yesterday’s first Tenerife Primark shop get to run the next coup it will be fun and games all the way and a roaring success with the local public. And I bet loads of you didn’t’ know Primark was Irish. We like to just make ourselves comfortable without too much of a fuss. World domination is just an aside.
Santa Cruz mayor José Manuel Bermúdez said he had never ever been to an inauguration like it – and he even repeated it in a whisper to an aide after the official speeches, so we know he really meant it. Some of the credit, lots of it, goes to the people who run the huge and expanding chain of shops – now 39 in Spain, 269 world wide, with over 50,000 employees. But yesterday the star of the show was Breege O’Donoghue.
Breege has been working with Penneys/Primark for over thirty years, and still operates out of the Dublin headquarters. And rather than being a spring chicken she’s more of a mother hen, heralding all of her Primark chicks around, making sure old hands meet new, that all of the new team were well versed in the Primark philosophy, showing off her own perfectly appropriate three piece Primark trouser suit –“only €39”, dancing to the Carnaval sounds with vigour and energy that most of us could only envy, and then hopping up on stage to make the word-perfect opening address in Spanish, much to the delight of the hundreds attending the inauguration inside the shop as well as the Mayor who was infected by her enthusiasms and the delight of the crowds inside and outside that at last we have Primark in Tenerife.
Of course we’re never happy. English Time, almost by unspoken agreement with colleagues from other English language publications, were already laying down the ground work for Primark II in Tenerife, in the South if you please. We corralled whatever member of management we could find and gently bombarded them with 1,000+ reasons why the next shop has to be here in the South. Hopefully we got through. Certainly they were amazed to hear about the bus loads of shoppers who are booked to make the trip. Either way, we have our first Primark, and so the Irish campaign to rule the world through its underwear continues…